I got a little weepy this morning, and I still feel a little sad, thinking back on old love. In order that someone might be to blame, I'm choosing Beth at sothefishsaid.com, who asked people to tell about their most romantic Valentine's Day, and the example she gave was not her husband, but her sweet boyfriend from high school.
So I was thinking, and I realized that, regardless of what's happened since, last year was my best Valentine's Day ever, with the sweetest and most thoughtful calls and gifts, and I am torn between wanting to remember because it's a really beautiful memory and wanting to forget because of the heartbreak that ensued.
I have a new valentine this year, who has a good, good heart, who I am lucky to have in my corner, but in a way I miss the old valentine. I wish that weren't true, you know? It would be easier if it weren't so true. But life is messy and confusing sometimes, and things don't always turn out perfectly. There is no storybook ending; there's just one I get to help write myself by the choices I make and how I go on.
It's been a hard year, you know? It's been good in so many ways, and I can honestly say that I've never felt so loved or beautiful, both in a romantic sense and otherwise, but I have also never felt so confused and bereft.
I think sometimes the most beautiful things are accompanied by the most heartbreaking ones. Some of the most beautiful things are the most heartbreaking ones.
Happy Valentine's Day--to my valentines both old and new. For the way you've been, for the way you are, for the way you are yet to be, I love you.
2006-02-14 - 10:11 a.m.
