I'm just passing the time waiting for the current load of laundry to finish spinning. Thinking a lot. About God, about love (and not just the romantic sort, either), about waiting. About feeling beautiful for the first time in my life, about finally accepting and loving the body I've been given. About making plans and sticking to them and having the grit and determination to get what I want instead of making excuses about why things never happened for me. I am going to New York next June, come hell or high water or both; it's a risk I intend to take. I get scared about it sometimes, but mostly I'm excited. Maybe it's the fear that fuels the excitement a little bit, if that makes sense at all. And if it doesn't? Well, a lot of things in my life don't make sense right now, but I'm loving it anyway. I really am. Maybe what this season of my life has taught me is that things are not what they seem, that perception and reality really do have blurred lines, that I can make mistakes and still live, that I can be foolish and not be harmed or even worried.
That's something that's much better most of the time: The worry. Took me long enough, but I'm finally coming around.
So. To sum up: Life is good. Life is busy. Life is beautiful.
Life is prompting me to go put the clothes in the dryer and start another load.
Ciao, bella.
2005-11-30 - 1:17 p.m.
